Nothing
by The Other Everdeen Girl
Summary: Am I better off dead? Peeta has a revelation after having another flashback. Song fic based on Nothing by The Script. One-shot.


**A/N: Hey, it's Brighton. I decided that I would write this as a way of procrastination on summer work and my other story, To Kill A Mockingjay. The song is by the Script, I don't own any of the lyrics, but it's called 'Nothing' and I love this song. So let's see if it works.**

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**Am I better off dead?**

**Am I better off a quitter?**

**They say I'm better off now**

**Than I ever was with her**

I wake up that morning on the floor at her house. With the memories of last night coming back, I decide to leave immediately. I wish she was just angry at me, it would make things easier. I could blame myself, but no. It was my fault. I should have left and not let things be taken too far. Then I wouldn't have had the flashback. I wouldn't have hurt her. I'm better off dead.

**As they take me to my local down the street**

**I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet.**

Not wanting to go back to an empty house, I head over to Haymitch's to talk. When I knock on the door, he actually answers the first time. The look on his face and the absence of a liquor bottle tells me he knows. He invites me in and we sit down at the table. I begin to tell him what happened. How we were having dinner and she kissed me for the first time since the Quell. How I got a flashback, slapped her and she had to fight me off with a knife slashed across my cheek. I really screwed up this time.

**They say a few drinks will help me to forget her**

**But after one too many I know that I'll never**

**Only they can't see where this is gonna end**

**They all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense**

After I tell him everything, he gets up to grab himself some liquor. He comes back with two bottles and hands me one. I try to refuse. You need it boy, he says, you need to forget. Halfway through my bottle, I start seeing her face, smiling and laughing, not where I nearly killed her. I need to talk her. I need to apologize to her. I need her. I love her.

**And my mates are all there trying to calm me down**

**'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town**

**I'm swearing if I go there now**

**I can change her mind turn it all around**

That night I finish my bottle and stand up and tell Haymitch I'm going to go talk to her. Despite that it seems even harder to walk with the artificial leg. I'm almost to the door when he stops me. He says wait until morning. You're too hammered to be talking to anyone.

**And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words**

**And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred**

**So I dialed her number and confessed to her**

**I'm still in love but all I heard**

**Was nothing**

I know perfectly well I'm drunk, but that doesn't stop me from planning to talk to her. I tell Haymitch I'm going home to wash up, as my slash had split open and blood was dripping down my face. I stumble home and clean up and dial Katniss' number. She has to hear me out. I listen to the tone and plan out what I'm going to say. But I don't get a chance, she doesn't answer.

**So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences**

**I know if we're face to face then she'll come to her senses**

Even when the call goes to voicemail, I decide I still need to talk to her. Her house is 100 meters away but it feels like a hundred miles. I plan out what I'm going to say. I'm sorry. I would never want to hurt you. You can stay mad at me, but I just want you to know. I love you.

Every drunk step I take leads me to her door

**If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure**

It hurts with each step I take, buts it's a step closer to her. I want her to see how painful the memory of what I did to her is. How much pain I'm in to show her I never would want to hurt her. That I will never hurt her again. I know she'll believe me, even if she doesn't want me.

**I'm swearing if I go there now**

**I can change her mind turn it all around**

**And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words**

I make it to her front door with my speech planned in my head. I knock on her door and hope that she answers. At that moment I notice I'm shaking, but I don't care. I'm not about to lose someone so important to me, that I force my drunken self at her feet to beg for her forgiveness. She opens the door and stares at me in shock. Here goes nothing.

**Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating**

**Ohh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking**

**When you realize there's no one waiting.**

"I love you. Katniss, I am so sorry that the flashback happened. I never would want to hurt you. And I will never hurt you again. I'm sorry and I will never be able to forgive myself. I'm sorry that I ruined everything."

My speech is slurred but I would say the exact same thing sober. She stands there not able to say anything. She must think I'm so stupid to hope that I'll get her back. I got nothing. I am better off dead.

**Am I better off dead?**

**Am I better off a quitter?**

**They say I'm better off now**

**Than I ever was with her**

"No." She says and I realize I said my last thought out loud. I look up and see her getting closer to me.

"You're not better off dead. You didn't ruin anything. I know you would never hurt me and I would never hurt you. I'm sorry too." In one quick moment, she leans up and kisses me. Everything at that moment was so perfect. I didn't feel another flashback coming. I was able to kiss her back and mean every word I said with one kiss.

**She said nothing.**

She didn't say anything else after that. Everything after that moment can't be described. But as I lay there next to her, I have to know.

"You love me. Real or not real?"

One word rings out into the night.

"Real."

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**A/N: Well? What do you think. I thought this song would be perfect for a moment like this and I incorporated Real or Not real into here because that was my favorite part in the book besides the 'always' moment. R&R!**


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